A few weeks ago while we were laying in bed, my boyfriend RU asked me a question; something sex-related. He asked me why I don't do a certain sexual thing. I said I did not want to answer, and then he got upset about it, saying that it hurt him that I wouldn't tell him everything because it means I don't trust him. So, because he turned me into the bad guy, I started to cry. Then he began asking questions, and as a good people-pleaser I answered them. I told him about being raped. (And he asked tons of details.)
(This is one thing I really don't like about RU. When I don't tell him things or I say something that upsets him he withdraws and doesn't tell me he's upset, but basically gives me the very mature silent treatment. I usually get extremely anxious about this and I end up apologizing or telling him what he wants to know because I'm afraid if he dumps me no one will love me. I also really don't like this about myself. But the next time he pulls this I'm not going to give in, because I've had enough of being guilted into doing things I don't want to do.)
We talked about my experiences for the rest of the night; it was the first time I thought about the events in months.
Now I think about it all the time.
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Have you read this article? It gave me quite a bit of insight into my own relationships. Key point... trust your instincts... if it's a boundary violation for you to share too much... listen to that feeling. xox C.
http://drkathleenyoung.wordpress.com/2009/09/04/relationships-after-severe-trauma-making-healthy-choices/
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