D and I have been trying to get in contact with Shrinkiepoo, my previous psychiatrist, for a long time. I wanted D to tell him how much the ECT affected me. We wanted to let him know how being forced to have a procedure done to my body that I absolutely did not want to have happen "revictimized" me-- it brought up thoughts associated with being raped. In fact, I would have to say that being forced to undergo ECT was more traumatic for me than the rapes because Shrinkiepoo was supposed to be helping me; I trusted him. I didn't want to call him myself because I thought he was going to justify his actions and I do not want to hear why he did this to me. Rapists have reasons for their actions too, but no justification would make it okay to sexually assault someone. I feel it's the same in my situation.
(I want to take a moment here to say that I'm not minimizing the horror of rape-- I'm trying to express that for me ECT was just as horrifying. I've experienced both.)
So after literally trying to get in touch with him since January, D finally had a phone conversation with Shrinkiepoo and told him what I wanted him to. And you know what Shrinkiepoo's response was? "Forcing NOS to undergo ECT was probably the hardest clinical decision I've ever had to make." WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? I'm sorry, Shrinkiepoo, that this was so hard for you. I hope this decision didn't make you burst out crying at different points in the day, or stay up at night with intrusive thoughts. Because that's what my reaction was. Poor Shrinkiepoo! It must have been absolutely awful for him! (End sarcasm.)
So yes, I feel completely unsatisfied with Shrinkiepoo's reaction. I'm not 100% sure what I wanted; I know I wanted him to know how I felt, but I also wanted him to express some remorse. Even a half-assed apology would have been nice-- "I'm sorry NOS felt that way." But no. Nothing.
So I am unfulfilled. But at least my beliefs have been confirmed: it was a good move to dump Shrinkiepoo. A very good move.