D and I have been trying to get in contact with Shrinkiepoo, my previous psychiatrist, for a long time. I wanted D to tell him how much the ECT affected me. We wanted to let him know how being forced to have a procedure done to my body that I absolutely did not want to have happen "revictimized" me-- it brought up thoughts associated with being raped. In fact, I would have to say that being forced to undergo ECT was more traumatic for me than the rapes because Shrinkiepoo was supposed to be helping me; I trusted him. I didn't want to call him myself because I thought he was going to justify his actions and I do not want to hear why he did this to me. Rapists have reasons for their actions too, but no justification would make it okay to sexually assault someone. I feel it's the same in my situation.
(I want to take a moment here to say that I'm not minimizing the horror of rape-- I'm trying to express that for me ECT was just as horrifying. I've experienced both.)
So after literally trying to get in touch with him since January, D finally had a phone conversation with Shrinkiepoo and told him what I wanted him to. And you know what Shrinkiepoo's response was? "Forcing NOS to undergo ECT was probably the hardest clinical decision I've ever had to make." WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? I'm sorry, Shrinkiepoo, that this was so hard for you. I hope this decision didn't make you burst out crying at different points in the day, or stay up at night with intrusive thoughts. Because that's what my reaction was. Poor Shrinkiepoo! It must have been absolutely awful for him! (End sarcasm.)
So yes, I feel completely unsatisfied with Shrinkiepoo's reaction. I'm not 100% sure what I wanted; I know I wanted him to know how I felt, but I also wanted him to express some remorse. Even a half-assed apology would have been nice-- "I'm sorry NOS felt that way." But no. Nothing.
So I am unfulfilled. But at least my beliefs have been confirmed: it was a good move to dump Shrinkiepoo. A very good move.
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8 comments:
What an asshole SP is. Wow. Thank God you dumped him and moved on to someone humane and on your side. Good for you.
Shrinkiepoop is full of shit and the only solution is of course, to take a nice big dump.
loser.
We've had a few of those too, with our kids.
I did not know that you were raped...I'm so sorry for you NOS... have you written about it on here? It nearly happened to me, one time, when I was in my 20s... or I thought it was going to, when this dude pinned me down and he wouldn't let me move. He was a director that a friend in my acting class told me to go see about a movie he was casting.
I thought I was a gonner...
I so agree about ECT. I have never regretted a treatment so much in my life. POOH, for your own well being. Well I'm sorry you went through it NOS. I hope you feel some peace soon. Hugs my friend, Wanda
this really makes me sad....sad that shrinks have that much power.....you might not feel it or know it....but you got guts girl....alot of guts for hanging in and fighting back. The darkness won't last forever....stay strong and safe out there....
I'm sorry he didn't give the response you were looking for. Unfortunately a lot of the time, those who have hurt us never do, and instead try to justify their actions. x
well i think most doctors are well dodgy as most of them are active alcoholics but thats another story..
Glad to hear you spoke up. Good for you NOS :)
NOSSY you are a fighter. You are very determined, even though you may not think so. You have qualities I admire very much. Blessings to you dear one.
I agree it was a very good move to dump Shrinkiepoo! I am so sorry to hear that you have been so re-traumatized by someone that was supposed to help you. (((NOS)))
Blessings,
Tammy
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