I had an awful day today. Just terrible. Well, it's been more like an awful three days. Suffice it to say that my eating has been atrocious and I hate myself for it. I think I have completely relapsed, but during our session today D said he disagreed with me. I felt like he was minimizing what I am going through; "it's not that bad" is not something you want to hear when you want to murder yourself.
And really, that's what I want to do. I am so depressed and hopeless that I just cannot bear it. I have been in the hospital and to treatment several times for my eating disorder and depression and neither are better. What is my problem? What is wrong with me?
These diseases are killing me. I am almost 100% sure that I will die from my eating disorder or my depression. I just wish it would happen sooner rather than later.