I had an awful day today. Just terrible. Well, it's been more like an awful three days. Suffice it to say that my eating has been atrocious and I hate myself for it. I think I have completely relapsed, but during our session today D said he disagreed with me. I felt like he was minimizing what I am going through; "it's not that bad" is not something you want to hear when you want to murder yourself.
And really, that's what I want to do. I am so depressed and hopeless that I just cannot bear it. I have been in the hospital and to treatment several times for my eating disorder and depression and neither are better. What is my problem? What is wrong with me?
These diseases are killing me. I am almost 100% sure that I will die from my eating disorder or my depression. I just wish it would happen sooner rather than later.
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12 comments:
I'm so sorry that you're not feeling well honey and hope that the icky passes soon. Could some of it be coming down after all the excitement of the trip?
(((hugs))) ~ L
Hang in there NOS. It does sound bad. I think maybe you haven't yet discovered the thing that can help you, whatever that is. It's out there. It's not a matter of 'what's wrong with me', more 'how can I start to feel better' IMO. Hope you keep talking about how you feel. Here listening to you as a mutual blogger friend says...take care
NOSSY I am very sorry you had an awful day yesterday! I am sure it is no fun what you go through.
My t. always reminds me when I feel I have failed on my journey, that it is expected that I can move back two steps, then gain three. I try and keep that in mind. I know it is hard. And sometimes I feel there is no hope either. To the point of desperation. But, then there is that glimmer of light that shines through.....
Here supporting you dear one through your difficult time. (((((NOS))))
on those terrible horrible days a friend used to say to me, this too shall pass. I had no idea what they meant or even if they knew what they were saying. It felt like it was never going to change but Nos...it did. In your corner...routing for you.....praying today will be the total opposite and a perfect day for you.
(((((((NOS)))))))
I'm so sorry that you are not feeling well.
You can allow yourself to die from your ED or depression, but it is in your control.
From what I can tell, you really don't want to die, rather you want the pain to end. There are other ways that you've learned to cope with these feeling in the past because you have had enough courage to still be there. Hang in there and I promise it will get better!!
(((((NOS))))))) The world is a much better place because of you. I here for you if I can help. Tomorrow is a new day and I hope it will be better for you.
NOS, this post made me really sad. I'm so sorry that your symptoms of ED and depression are creeping back up on you. This shouldn't be dismissed at all but know that times can get better. If you've had good moments, that means you can have more good moments in LIFE!!!
hang in there. i love you!
xoxo
((((NOS))))
This too shall pass.
Hi NOS,
Sending lots of hugs and love to you.....
Blessings,
Tammy
It's hard to hear when the professionals seem to think we're doing better than we are and it feels as though they don't get it.
It'd make me sad if you died of depression and ED- don't let them win.
*hugs*
- willfindhope.wordpress.com
It is very difficult to see ourselves underperform after a period of 'success'. We want the 'success' to be permanent. but lifes not like that. Like waves it goes up and down and changes. I'm very happy for you NOS that you've made the progress you have made do far, but please don't use that success as a rod for your own back, permitting yourself to give yourself hell for taking a retrograde step every once in a while.. This too shall pass, and overall your progress has been truly impressive, one step at a time.. Keep on keepin on.. 'You can start the day anytime' as they say in AA..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=emFUtuotHL4
U2 - Stuck In A Moment You Can't Get Out Of
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xmVUbuD37eg
Ride the storm NOS
This too shall pass
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LfeXxkbgCVE
This video shows me how 'self forgetting' creates joy and connection in my life. Just kindnesses toward others literally saves me from myself..
Hope you feel better soon NOS.. hang in there..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KkB6DNRgXYs
imon Webbe - No Worries
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