Yesterday I had an appointment with D and I was in a BAD MOOD. Firstly, he was 25 minutes late to the appointment-- as he came out of his office I was dialing his number so I could leave a message saying that it was ridiculous to have to wait almost a half hour and that I was going home. I also had some bones to pick with him about how he handled group on Saturday. So I went into his office armed and ready to fire (figuratively).
At first I expressed my anger with his lateness. If D was never late and he was late for the first time on Sunday I wouldn't have been angry, but he does that all the time. He said that he had an emergency that he had to take care of. I understand that a client in crisis should take precedence over a client not in crisis, but I told him that he could have and should have at least texted me telling me he was going to be late.
Then I told him that he allowed way too much triggering talk in group on Saturday. I told him that I thought it was bullshit that he was encouraging a person who was physically unstable and using behaviors daily to not go to treatment. I told him that I could not be in a group if the group chooses to frame eating disorders as a matter of weight only. I told him that I wasn't going to go back to group until the person who was responsible for triggering me went to treatment or got her act together (admittedly this is slightly childish, but I am just trying to protect myself from being severely triggered again).
D said that when I express my anger to him it hits him harder than when other clients express their anger. He said that my anger is basically disappointment with him, and he feels guilty for disappointing me. I thought that was kind of funny-- I guess my parent's guilt-tripping skills have rubbed off on me.
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6 comments:
Brava NOS!!! You took care of you! And no...what you did is NOT guilt tripping. You spoke about how you feel with someone who should be safe and secure, and I feel that he let you down. How is being with girls who are clearly starving themselves supposed to help you, at this point? I don't think its childish at all. I think its mature and shows excellent self-care. You need to be in a group with healthier people and you spoke up and that is fantastic!
Anyway, his guilt is not your problem or concern. And your anger hits him harder??? wtf??? eewww... As a matter of fact, his telling you all of that is highly unprofessional and furthermore, is apt to make YOU feel guilty (for making him guilty) and then you might keep your feelings bottled up.
what's his friggin problem? Who's the doctor here?
All he needed to do was to listen to your concerns and see what he could do to make it better for you and to fucking apologize for not keeping to his schedule. You are busy too!
And ya know what... I saw my shrink for 3 years and she had a bonafide emergency exactly once and maybe kept me waiting 2 out of about 100 times. (but only for a few minutes and she almost always went over time) I'm not buying what he's selling. Right now, he's being an asshole; not nearly as bad as shrinkiepoo, but really...
If he were my dr., he'd be history.
Hi NOS,
I'm so happy that you feel safe enough with D to tell him how you feel and to set boundaries on the lateness and the group. You are growing so much NOS.
I AM feeling better by the way. I think it is amazing that it comes through the blog without saying it. Thanks for all your support of my blog. :)
Blesssings,
Tammy
Good for you in standing up for what you need and deserve. I don't know that I could have said those things, so I am incredibly proud of you! Well done :)
*hugs*
Sarah
Well done you for standing up for yourself and being assertive. It doesn't sound like you were guilt-tripping him to me, either. Accusations of guilt-tripping can be manipulative and just mean 'I don't want to admit I was wrong so am blaming you' - ugh. Not OK.
NOS I am so glad you were able to share your feelings with D. The group I was going to well over a year ago, never started on time. Irked me to death. My countenance showed I was unhappy about it back then. Probably today I would speak up. Back then I felt I had no right to. Thank you for sharing.
I am glad you are able to share your anger with you doctor. This is healthy to take care of yourself. Keep open to where your treatment is leading you. You are becoming strong all the time.(((((NOS))))) I care!
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