This morning I awoke to an email in my inbox from the treatment center that I was in in 2006 and 2009. They were inviting me to a benefit dinner which would involve cocktails, dinner, and speakers. This brought up a lot of feelings for me. I have mixed feelings about this treatment center-- on the one hand they saved my life twice (although I must admit I have mixed feelings about that fact as well), but on the other hand as soon as I was discharged both times I relapsed almost immediately. And I feel guilty for having these feelings because they treated me so well there; I feel like I should be more grateful. And I guess a part of me feels like I failed them by relapsing. So I'm not sure if I want to go to the benefit. I'm not sure of a lot.
Anyway, today was a better day. I managed to get back on track with my eating and I haven't taken any laxatives. It's 8:09pm so there is still time for me to mess up, but I'm going to hold on as best as I can.
I had a date today with a boy I met on OkCupid. It went really well! We met at a cute coffee shop at 3:30pm and didn't leave until they closed at 6pm, so we clearly had a lot to talk about. He's also pretty cute-- he has a great smile! He seems interested in me too-- as we left he asked me for my phone number. I think I'd really like to get to know him better. I see potential.
Tomorrow I have another date with a different boy from the dating site. I am dripping with men! I'm kind of unsure of this date because we don't really have a plan-- we're meeting in a park and then "finding something fun to do" (his words). But I made it clear that I am unable to eat lunch or dinner with him (I lied and told him that I had plans with friends for those meals) so we most likely will not do something with food, which is good. I guess we'll see what happens!