This morning I awoke to an email in my inbox from the treatment center that I was in in 2006 and 2009. They were inviting me to a benefit dinner which would involve cocktails, dinner, and speakers. This brought up a lot of feelings for me. I have mixed feelings about this treatment center-- on the one hand they saved my life twice (although I must admit I have mixed feelings about that fact as well), but on the other hand as soon as I was discharged both times I relapsed almost immediately. And I feel guilty for having these feelings because they treated me so well there; I feel like I should be more grateful. And I guess a part of me feels like I failed them by relapsing. So I'm not sure if I want to go to the benefit. I'm not sure of a lot.
Anyway, today was a better day. I managed to get back on track with my eating and I haven't taken any laxatives. It's 8:09pm so there is still time for me to mess up, but I'm going to hold on as best as I can.
I had a date today with a boy I met on OkCupid. It went really well! We met at a cute coffee shop at 3:30pm and didn't leave until they closed at 6pm, so we clearly had a lot to talk about. He's also pretty cute-- he has a great smile! He seems interested in me too-- as we left he asked me for my phone number. I think I'd really like to get to know him better. I see potential.
Tomorrow I have another date with a different boy from the dating site. I am dripping with men! I'm kind of unsure of this date because we don't really have a plan-- we're meeting in a park and then "finding something fun to do" (his words). But I made it clear that I am unable to eat lunch or dinner with him (I lied and told him that I had plans with friends for those meals) so we most likely will not do something with food, which is good. I guess we'll see what happens!
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5 comments:
I think it is great you are meeting and dating young men. Sounds like this was a much better day,
The date sounds like it went well, it's a good sign when you have a lot to talk about with someone. Hopefully it can develop :)
- willfindhope.wordpress.com
Sorry, but how did you fail them? One, you're alive. Two, you're a college graduate, dude ;) and Three, you just got back from Aliyah, so where's the failure?. Go, if you want and enjoy and hold your cute little bass clarinet playing head high! You deserve it!
I'm glad that your eating went better and that you had a good date, but the date tomorrow in the park has me concerned. Something there, is creeping me out, big time. I think that your instincts are very good.
xo ~ L
I'm glad you met someone nice from the dating site and good luck with the next date. You deserve someone special in your life :)
*hugs*
Sarah
Good Morning NOS,
Sending you a Sunday hug....
Blessings,
Tammy
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