Yesterday I was not in a good space. At all. In fact, I was probably feeling more depressed than I have in months. Today, however, I have some renewed hope. Firstly, I didn't use eating disordered behaviors today-- I managed to get through the day without restricting, binging, or purging. Given my recent pattern of behavior, this was a big change
Secondly, I had an appointment with a dietitian today and it went really well! Dr. E, my psychiatrist, was really concerned about me at our last session and asked me to call this dietitian-- a woman whom I saw for three sessions in 2010. When I called her to set up an appointment she gave me the impression that what Dr. E wanted was really to have me assessed for whether I should be inpatient or not. I asked D to call her and get her up to date, and he confirmed that this was what she thought she was doing. But D told her that I would do almost anything to stay out of inpatient, and as a result the topic of inpatient barely came up during my session.
I told the dietitian what I eat according to my meal plan and she was appalled-- apparently I am barely eating enough to maintain resting metabolism, meaning that if I were to lay in bed all day and do nothing except eat what I've been eating I would barely maintain my weight. She said it's no wonder that I've been binging more frequently recently because my body is clearly needing more.
So she gave me a new meal plan. Well, actually she just added onto my old meal plan. I am terrified that this is going to make me gain weight, but I know binging, purging, and restricting will make me gain more weight, not to mention make me crazy. This is going to be a real challenge, but I am ready to move closer toward recovery and to do that I need to take risks.
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5 comments:
I'm so glad that you're feeling better and saw the dietician and I agree with her. And don't worry, when you are eating enough, you are neither hungry, nor does it set up the "binge cycle"
And you won't gain weight either! It may take a few weeks for your body to adjust, however. so, don't freak out if you do gain a pound or two, at first. It will regulate itself naturally. I know that you don't believe that it will, but it will.
xo ~ L
It's so helpful to know what triggers our behavior. Sounds like you have a plan. Good. I am so happy you are in a better place than you where with you last post. I know I being motherly, but I really care about you. Take care and I am always here and available for you. Wanda
Congrats on doing better with eating and seeing the dietitian NOS! Glad you're doing better. take care
Good Morning NOS,
Happy to hear your session with the dietitian went well. (((NOS)))
Blessings,
Tammy
Good luck following the new meal plan- dieticians should know what they're doing and if she says you need more just to maintain, she's probably right.
Take care x
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