Eating has gotten a lot better-- I have been able to follow my meal plan for two days in a row. My body image is still atrocious, but I'm trying not to let that change my behavior.
My mood, however, has been pretty low. And as a result, so has my energy level. Over the past week or two I have felt worn out from spending the day lying down, and it's kind of a problem. I have an appointment with Dr. N, my psychiatrist, tomorrow, and I'm definitely going to bring this up. Nonetheless, today I tried to counter the fatigue by exercising, thinking that maybe if I get the ball rolling the energy would come, but it didn't help. Today I bought a gym membership for the month of August so hopefully Dr. N will help me with my energy level and I will be able to exercise more (but a healthy amount).
After running this morning my parents and I went into the city to meet my sisters for lunch. The food wasn't actually too much of an issue because the menu had the caloric content of the food written next to each item. One thing that was an issue, however, was that I felt really out of place with my sisters. Clearly A and M are closer to each other than either of them are to me. But when I'm around them I feel like they see me as a child and it makes me feel badly about myself. I felt really uncomfortable and stupid. A and I used to gchat a lot, but recently we haven't spoken at all. I guess the point I'm trying to make is that I'm feeling increasingly isolated from my sisters and my family, and it doesn't feel very good.
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5 comments:
I'm glad that your eating has gotten better, that's a great step in the right direction. I'm sorry that you don't feel so close to your family, maybe you can make lunches (or doing something else with them) a more regular activity, and see if that brings you closer. The more time you spend with them, hopefully the more they'll see you're not a child, and treat you as such. Take care, NOS.
I am learning it is one day at a time on our travels.
So today NOSSY I am proud that your eating has improved.
lad you were able to spend the time with your family outing and the food issues were not a problem.
I certainly understand not feeling comfortable among family members and even peers. But, as we work on our journey to improvement with our self worth, this too will get better.
Here listening..... safe hugs.
Hi NOS,
I hope Dr. N. can help you with the fatigue. I "know" it is the worse feeling. My energy is being restored slowly. Two days in a row is good. Here supporting you one day at a time. :)
Blessings,
Tammy
I'm sorry you are feeling so isolated from your sisters. I'm glad you are eating better and working out. The gym has really helped my mood to a little bit anyway. You are right we are in the same boat.
I think exhaustion is part of the whole dance of addiction....it's hard to keep 'feeding' the eating disorder.....and when you wrote about feeling like a child...and isolated...God I remember those feelings so well. Nos....just for today....hold on okay...stay strong and I know....I'm in your corner...routing for you...
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