I am insane.
Well, we already knew that. But specifically (today), I am insane when it comes to relationships. A few weeks ago I was dating three guys but I became afraid of the potential for physical contact and decided that I would end things. It turns out that two of the three guys ended things with me first, so that was fine with me. But today I have been feeling like I do want a boyfriend and I do want to have a physical relationship with someone. (Perhaps this wishy-washiness is due to hormonal changes. If so, then wow, those hormones are powerful little molecules.) So I went back on OkCupid and messaged two guys. We'll see how that pans out.
It's possible that the reason why I want a relationship today is because today was a good day in terms of depression and eating. For the first time in several days I followed my meal plan. It's been really difficult-- I've had both thoughts of binging and restricting-- but I have managed to eat moderately. I really want to keep this up, to go back to where I was last October (three weeks with no eating disordered behavior). I never want to have a day like last Saturday again. But to be honest, I don't know how I'm going to do it; it feels like breaking the cycle is near impossible.