I am insane.
Well, we already knew that. But specifically (today), I am insane when it comes to relationships. A few weeks ago I was dating three guys but I became afraid of the potential for physical contact and decided that I would end things. It turns out that two of the three guys ended things with me first, so that was fine with me. But today I have been feeling like I do want a boyfriend and I do want to have a physical relationship with someone. (Perhaps this wishy-washiness is due to hormonal changes. If so, then wow, those hormones are powerful little molecules.) So I went back on OkCupid and messaged two guys. We'll see how that pans out.
It's possible that the reason why I want a relationship today is because today was a good day in terms of depression and eating. For the first time in several days I followed my meal plan. It's been really difficult-- I've had both thoughts of binging and restricting-- but I have managed to eat moderately. I really want to keep this up, to go back to where I was last October (three weeks with no eating disordered behavior). I never want to have a day like last Saturday again. But to be honest, I don't know how I'm going to do it; it feels like breaking the cycle is near impossible.
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7 comments:
Sometimes it is only one day at a time
You're not crazy. You're human. Your emotional wants and needs change from day to day. Hang in there NOS!
xoxo
-Lisa
No NOS you are not crazy :) It'snormal for feelings to change a lot from moment to moment. Feelings are not facts and the thing is to try and do the next righ thing.. nomatter what you feel. Hang in there :)
Hi NOS,
Hormones are interesting to me, too. :)
I am very sensitive to the changes in my cycle.
Blessings,
Tammy
you're not insane. honey. insane people think they are "sane". In fact, if you ever read a man say in a personal ad that he is "sane"--- RUN!!!
Glad you had a better day!
xo ~ L
My daughters both had eating disorders when they were younger but they overcame and are now mothers with daughters of their own. The cycle can be broken. Don't give up.
Hugs to you Nos.
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