I have been in a pissy mood today. It's probably due to the fact that I drank a cup of coffee in the morning and didn't eat breakfast and lunch, so my heart was racing, I was shaking, I was anxious, and I felt like I was going to die. (And the crazy thing is I knew the cure to all of this was eating a reasonable meal or snack, but I chose not to.) But also I am just sick of living with my parents. Today when they came home from their activities they interrupted my studying (they knew I was studying) to ask me inane questions that did not need to be asked at that time or even at all. I gave them one word answers.
After dinner, I went into the den and began chatting with someone on the internet. My dad came in, sat on the couch silently and motionlessly for about three minutes until he asked "Are you going to watch Jeopardy! tonight?" To which I replied "I don't care." So I turned the TV on to Jeopardy!, and my mom comes in, sits down, and then asks me to raise the volume because she can't hear. I said no, and then she said "If you don't turn up the volume I'm going to leave." To which I replied "Okay." So she left.
Later on when it was time to light the menorah for Hannukah I said that I didn't want to participate tonight (I don't believe in my religion). My parents responded by throwing my gift at me: cash.
I was overwhelmed with guilt. I am a horrible daughter who has problems that require a ridiculous amount of expensive treatment. They give me everything and I keep messing up and give them nothing back. I don't deserve the present they gave me. I am a rotten, rotten human being.