My sister A is at the library at the moment and I'm home alone so I can write safely.
Yesterday was boring, but not bad. I didn't really do anything in the morning, but after lunch A and I went to the library to do some reading. My ecological anthropology class has a LOT of reading, and specifically a LOT of reading due on Wednesday so I wanted to get a head start.
In the evening I had to go to my aunt's house for Rosh Hashana dinner. I am always turned off by my aunt-- she is really religious and enjoys pushing her religion or religious culture on others. For example, she felt it necessary to turn the dinner into a lesson in Judaism, explaining why we do every blessing and eat every food. Also, when she was cutting the challah she said "At rotsah dvash au melach?" (Translation: "Do you want honey or salt?") She expected everyone to answer her in Hebrew. So A responds in English, "Honey," and my aunt said "I can see those twelve years paying [insert name of Jewish private school that A attended here] tuition paid off. Answer in Hebrew, please." It rubbed me and A the wrong way.
But that being said, I think I did a pretty good job with eating. I put a variety of food on my plate and was able to eat an appropriate amount. I even had dessert! I also followed my taste by not eating the rest of one dish I tried. That may not seem like a big deal, but I've spent two years of my life in treatment or the hospital and they pretty much forced food down my throat so I wasn't able to follow my taste, and I kind of learned just to eat what is served no matter if I like it or not. So being able to discern what I like from what I don't and act accordingly is actually more of an accomplishment than it may be for the average person.
Tonight is another family dinner, this time at our house. I already peeked at the menu and planned what I'm going to eat so that I'm not anxious at the table. I think that was a good idea, no?
Update: Remember on Wednesday when I announced that I was going to try and be eating disorder symptom-free for a week? Well, so far I have been symptom-free for four days! I have had eating disordered thoughts, but I have been able to keep my behavior in check. Three more days and I will have accomplished my goal!
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9 comments:
It sounds like you are doing a real good job with controlling your eat disorder especially with the stress of the holidays. I'm very proud of you. I do think knowing what is on the menu helps reduce the anxiety. Good luck with tonight. Thinking of you. ((((Nos))))
It sounds like you are doing really well with food honey, well done. I hope that the meal tonight goes ok, and that you feel alright about it all. xxx
Hi NOS,
I tried to leave a comment before so I hope this isn't a repeat.
Four days is awesome NOS!!!
Cheering you on for the next three....
Blessings,
Tammy
way to go Nos...you're doing awesome. Hope tonight goes well.
NOS a encouraging post to read. Glad you did good with the eating.
Looking forward to the update from last nights dinner. My step-father was Jewish, so I have been many times to all the dinners and celebrations of the Jewish holiday's.
Wow! Congrats with the 4 days non eating disordered, that's so brilliant. And sounds like you did great at the lunch :)
xxx
Shanah Tova. Sounds like the meal was quit successful - particularly on an eating/ED viewpoint. Your aunt sounds a bit annoying.
Definitely a good idea to plan what you want to eat (of course if I do that, then there is a change of menu I go into meltdown...). Hope the meal goes well.
Take care,
Differently
Sounds really good. I like challah bread!
Proud of you! You are fighting hard and that is so inspiring to read! Keep up the good work:)
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