Worry Worry Worry

I can't stop being anxious. My doctor at IOP says I have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder because I always have an anxious fixation. And I think now that I am (for the most part) not acting on eating disordered behavior my OCD and anxiety have flared up with a vengeance.

The pattern is I have is to obsess about one anxiety-provoking thing; let's take, for example, getting permission to go back to uni. For a long time all I could think about was whether Shrinkiepoo will let me go back (and to a large extent I still do). I engage in magical thinking: I think that if I worry about something enough it will turn out well. If I worry about something, I can control it (in my head). I know this is completely irrational, but I really can't help it. As soon as I get a relief from the anxiety, say Shrinkiepoo says things are looking good for my return, I start to worry and obsess about something new: whether I'll be able to get into the classes that I want. And worries and obsessions just keep on replacing worries and obsessions and I never get a break. It's a cycle of anxiety.

One current topic of worry is housing at uni. Today I filled out and faxed in an application for dorm housing, but I have to get Shrinkiepoo to fill out a form that says I have a medical need for a suitemate/roommate (so I don't isolate as much). I worry that Shrinkiepoo didn't get the form I faxed over to him. I'm worried he won't send the form to uni in time. I'm worried that I won't get any of the dorms I requested.

Worry worry worry. The story of my life.