I had a pretty good weekend. Actually, my mood has improved a little-- I'm not as depressed as I was on Thursday. Maybe all of that crying at IOP was cathartic.
On Saturday I went into the city to meet my sisters and go to a pet expo. The expo was pretty boring, but it was nice to get out of my house, walk around and spend time with my sisters. After we had exhausted all booths at the expo we went over to M's apartment and just hung out. I had a fabulous opportunity to act on my eating disorder by not eating lunch, but I didn't! I ate everything I needed to. I feel pretty accomplished.
Sunday was a little depressing. My sisters came over to my parents' house to visit my older dog because he's not doing well. Although he's now on a steroid that is stimulating his appetite, so he's doing better than he was.
I had an interesting revelation about myself and my dog. My entire family (myself, of course, included) was so worried about him not eating his food-- we thought he was going to starve to death. It was horrible to see him wasting away. I told Shrinkiepoo that now I understand how my family must have felt when I was starving myself, and he said that he was thinking the same thing too. It's scary to realize how close to death I have come several times. If my family hadn't intervened and taken me to the hospital in March, I would have certainly died that week from my electrolyte imbalance (written about here).
Right now I am not totally committed to life, but I realize how scary the threat of my death can be to my family. I think that's a step, right?