I have a secret. And despite the anonymity I have procured here on my blog, I don't feel safe about divulging it. Yet.
It's a pretty heavy secret. It has caused a lot of disturbance in my life-- my senior year of high school was nothing short of a nightmare, it has increased my self-loathing and decreased my perception of my self-worth, tainted many a night's sleep, cost me many (MANY) friends, and added another diagnosis to my list of NOS disorders (PTSD).
But what's most troublesome for me is that it has ravaged my life and I desperately want to talk about it, but I am to ashamed/embarrassed/afraid to bring it up on my own. I can't really verbalize why I feel this way but I simply do.
So readers, I ask you for advice. How do you bring up a very difficult topic with a therapist or psychiatrist? It's very hard for me to just blurt it out but I feel I need to tell someone.
[Oh, I should mention that Shrinkiepoo does know about what happened, but we never talk about it.]
[I should also mention that Shrinkiepoo is currently on vacation and I will not be able to see him until September. Great-- more time to hang onto this.]
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2 comments:
Remember there are those that are thinking about you. Keep blogging. Continue to release some of the pain. There are times I think I will explode before I see my psychiatrist.((((Safe Hugs)))
I'm terrible about divulging secrets. I often fantasize about living in a world where there were no secrets, where we knew everything about everyone. What made this world so appealing to me wasn't that I would get to know everyone's secrets, but that everyone would know mine, and I wouldn't have any more secrets, I couldn't have any secrets. Everyone that met me would know everything about me, and I them. It would be so liberating.
If only... Since we are allowed to keep our secrets (and we generally choose to), I can't give you the best way, as I am terrible at doing it. The only way for me to do it is to take a breath, stop thinking about possible consequences and just do it (consequently that is the same method I use when I go cliff jumping).
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